It’s been a couple of months since my last post… truthfully, I didn’t post because I didn’t think I had much to say. In my last couple of months of pregnancy, I had the flu, some other gross but uncomfortable pregnancy related ailments (I’ll spare you the details) and then the flu made its rounds through my husband and 3 year old. So I didn’t do much in the way of hardcore training. I was getting outside most weekends, and I did have a 12a that I was top roping right up until the end, but I just wasn’t feeling superb. In fact, in hindsight, I was dealing with some pregnancy depression. They always talk about post-partum depression, but no one ever mentions depression while pregnant.  Here’s the deal, when I first got pregnant, I came down from my climbing high pretty hard. I found out I was pregnant the day after the World Cup in Vail. So I was basically in top shape, but then bam! My body was high jacked. I had wanted/intended to get pregnant, but then the reality of pregnancy and recovery and having a new baby did come crashing down around me.

The pregnancy this time was not very easy. My cravings were much more intense than my last pregnancy, and my cravings were for things that contain lots of grease and cheese.  With these eating habits my weight gain was more than my last pregnancy; this was also likely linked to a lower energy level and in turn, I just didn’t feel good. Also I think having a three-year-old at home doesn’t allow one to rest or relax or “bask in pregnancy“. All of these things paired with crazy hormones left me drained and unhappy.   My husband who also happens to be a psychologist, noticed these changes in my demeano. One day, he asked me what I found joy in. I was forced to step back and see what I had become. This was a real wake up call because the only thing that I found pleasure in was hot showers.  My time spent with my son left me feeling guilty because I was too irritable and tired to really play with him.  A few weeks before giving birth, my son actually asked if I would ever be fun again. Heartbreaking! Additionally, I would take out emotions on my husband, so my time with him wasn’t very quality. And,  while I love my job as a teacher, I certainly have not felt that I’ve given 100% to my students this year, so this left me feeling unsatisfied. The last month of my pregnancy was physically really challenging, and I began to worry that I would struggle with postpartum depression.   So I didn’t blog.  I should have, it might’ve helped. But part of me felt embarrassed that I’d mostly given up on training, and this bright cheery attitude that I had adopted was too hard to fake.

So now let me fast-forward to the present. I had my baby girl on February 3. When I first laid eyes on her, my worry and stress melted away. I am currently almost 3 weeks postpartum, and I feel amazing. I’m happy, I have a desire to be social again,  and although I had a C-section which requires a good deal of recovery, I feel physically way better than I felt in the last few months of my pregnancy. My next blog post I will tell the story of the birth and my recovery so far and my plans for getting back into shape, but today I wanted to rewind and be real about the final weeks  of my pregnancy.

For those of you that are struggling and find these training while pregnant blogs more disheartening than helpful, I get it. Pregnancy is really tough. I wish I had some magical words of wisdom, but I don’t. The best I can do is be real with you and admit my own struggles and challenges.